Ting’s Blog

I asked AI: "How do I know if I need individual therapy or couple therapy?" Here is the answer.  

Determining whether you need individual therapy or couple therapy largely depends on the issues that you and/or your partner are facing. Here are a few things to consider:

Individual Therapy:

1. If you are experiencing significant emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, or trauma, individual therapy may be appropriate.
2. If you are struggling with a personal issue or behavior, such as addiction or anger management, individual therapy may be beneficial.
3. If you are dealing with a specific life event or transition, such as a divorce or loss of a loved one, individual therapy may be helpful.

Couple Therapy:

1. If you and your partner are experiencing communication issues or conflict that is affecting your relationship, couple therapy may be appropriate.
2. If you and your partner are struggling with intimacy or sexual issues, couple therapy may be beneficial.
3. If you and your partner are facing a major life change or transition together, such as starting a family or dealing with a job loss, couple therapy may be helpful.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue individual or couple therapy should be based on your unique needs and goals. It may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional to determine the best course of action for your situation.

Pretty good, right? Again I'm impressed by AI's logical "thinking" and statement. What if you ask me, a therapist the same question? Here you go: 

Determining whether you need individual therapy or couple therapy largely depends on what are causing the distress to you. Ask yourself this simple question: 

If you can talk to a good friend about your emotional distress, would your partner come up quite often in your conversation? 

If the answer is yes, couple therapy may be more helpful. 

Here are a few of my reasons: 

1. If you bring your partner up to complain about them, there are probably things that bother you about them, and good chances they are bothered by you as well. 
2. If you bring your partner up in a favorable way, they are probably a very important support to you. Couple therapy doesn't have to be only about solving relationship issues. It can teach couples how to become closer and stronger as a team in the face of scary things. 

Ultimately, I'd like to agree with AI, the decision to pursue individual or couple therapy should be based on your unique needs and goals. It may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional to determine the best course of action for your situation.

Trauma not only can have a significant impact on individuals but also on their relationships. Imagine trauma like an unhealed wound. When a person responses to the pain with fight-flight-freeze or their habitual, unhealthy coping mechanism, it can trigger the other partner, and eventually both of the partners feel insecure, mistrust, and disconnected. Fortunately, trauma-informed Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has been found to be effective in helping couples heal from trauma and rebuild their relationship.

In trauma-informed EFT couple therapy, the therapist first helps the couple to create a safe and supportive environment to explore their trauma and how it impacts their relationship. The therapist helps the couple to start building a sense of safety for the couple by being attuned, empathetic, and genuinely validating. The couple can then explore their feelings and experiences with less fear of judgment or rejection. The therapist may also teach the couple healthy coping strategies to help manage their trauma-related symptoms. 

As the couple works through their trauma, the therapist will help them to develop a deeper understanding of each other's emotional experiences and relational needs. This understanding can lead to increased empathy and connection between partners, which can be critical for trauma healing.

Another important aspect of trauma healing in couple therapy is communication. The therapist will help the couple to communicate especially their vulnerable feelings and relational needs gently and clearly, in the way that the other partner can hear them instead of feeling attacked or abandoned. This can help to reduce the chances of re-traumatizing in miscommunication and conflicts. 

Ultimately, trauma healing in EFT couple therapy is about helping the couple to build a more secure, loving bond that can keep help them heal the wound created by trauma. It’s also about helping each partner to have a more secure, confident sense of self in face of the challenges in life. 

P.S., couple therapy is not a replacement for individual therapy. If you are aware of your trauma, it's best to work with a trauma-informed individual therapist as a conjoint treatment with couple therapy.